The Summer Olympics: Finally! Televised Badminton!

The Olympic Games have come and gone and what a spectacle is has been this summer. I think our ancestral Greek founding fathers of the Olympic Games would have been proud that we upheld their rich traditions of running, jumping, swimming and…um…25m rapid fire pistol shooting?

I'm sorry but I just don't get the Olympics sometimes.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed watching Michael Phelps smash the all-time individual gold record and lip-synch along with that cute Chinese kid, but sometimes I think the Olympic committee should cut down on the number of events to make the medals more meaningful.

For instance, the Olympic committee should remove any event where drinking can — and probably will — make you better. This rule would effectively take Ping-Pong out of the games in my book. I love Ping-Pong but I also love billiards, foosball and darts. Why don't we just throw those "sports" into the mix?

All of the martial arts events should be removed from the Olympics as well — not because they are trivial, but because I think they are rad enough to merit their own special Ninja Olympics. In addition to Taekwondo and Judo, the games should also include ninja star throwing, kip contests, catching arrows in mid-flight, disappearing into clouds of smoke and various bouts involving nunchucks. I can already envision the reruns airing on Spike TV.

All the equestrian events should be removed. This is just self-evident. And don't get me started on synchronized swimming. Really?!

My main point is that we should stick to the fundamentals. I'm talking about events that take real physical prowess. Speed. Strength. Stamina. This is the stuff people want to see. The 3 S's are what inspire future Olympians. That's all you need.

Wait…plus the 80's band Survivor. So make that 4 S's now. Never underestimate the ability of a Rocky soundtrack to inspire people. Show me a champion runner and I'll show you someone who has listened to "Eye of the Tiger" at least one hundred times.

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